we fight over finance

When I started doing research for this column, asking what sorts of money fights people have, every single couple said the same thing:” well, we don’t really fight about money.” Right, right, right, I’d have to say, backing away from the flame and lies. “but we all have the occasional childish squabble, right?” Even that people hesitate. “well ….maybe,” they’d say.One woman described how her husband took away her credit card one day. Not that they fought about it. Or take another couple I know. I was at their hose recently when the husband came home from work with a new dm set. He hadn’t planned to drop $500 dollars on drums that day, he explained, as he unloaded the car, he just saw a classified as and thought, why not? Although his wife appeared clam while I was there, she told me later that they had a long discussion about the fact that they had agreed to save money to buy a house – never mind their long planned trip to Europe this summer- and why did he have to by a drum set now?What we have here is a failure to communicate.“it’s a fairly common fight, and it usually happens because the two people involved aren’t on the same page,” says a financial planner. “one person thinks they have a shared goal of saving for a house, car or retirement, and the other doesn’t.”In fact, most fights occur not because of the amount of money spent but because of unspoken expectations that couples have and are often afraid to talk about. Sometimes it’s clashing style, sometimes mismatched agendas, but people get so rooted in their own money view that they can’t see that partner simply has a different perspective. the sopranos dvd box set

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